2009's ultimate box art roundup - Part two

We've had the best of 2009, but now here's the fun part – the worst. If you've been following our weekly roundups, poked around the internet in general, looked at any junk mail, stepped foot outside or made some toast, there's probably a good chance you've been exposed to the overwhelming amount of awful video game box art. The bulk of it essentially acts as a warning sign, as if the publisher is doing the consumer a favour by smearing thick, foul-smelling pig shit in their eyes. “I'm blind! How will I possibly see where the checkout is to purchase this fine copy of Animal Soccer World?!”

But unfortunately, terrible box art isn't always exclusive to 'shovelware'.


Boom Blox Bash Party: Damn, what a mess. That bloated side bar is... why? Who possibly thought splitting the name up like that was a good idea? It's like a 32X game. Upon first glance, it's just called Bash Party - something to get lost in the crowd. What's even happening in the cluttered artwork? Obviously this game must be about tigers throwing red balls at the player. What a party! This is so bad it's almost impressive.

JU-ON: The Grudge: For reasons unknown, Rising Star saw fit to market a mature-rated horror game as something the whole family could enjoy. A casual comedy treat to bung on after watching Hostel with grandma. Considering the niche appeal, it actually wasn't that bad an idea, but this five minute effort is just awful, and unintentionally disturbing. “JU-ON sure is scary, I just pissed my pants seven times! I bet it'd be less scary if I looked at it from behind my chair! I'm staring... into your soul”. SHE'S BEHIND YOU.


Dalmations 4: Ah, Phoenix Games, your 3D renders continue to amaze. Those are some adorable looking dogs, is that one on the left about to take a crap on the table? Awww, so cute. Dalmations 4 gets bonus points for its title, as it's a direct port of the PlayStation 2's Dalmations 3 (check it out here). In turn, Dalmations 3 was a port of Dalmations 2 on the first PlayStation. There was never an original Dalmations, it started with Dalmations 2. It will continue to get ported over. Make it stop.

Aquarium: Aquarium! Fish bowl. Aquarium! … Fish bowl. Check out my aquarium, it's a single fish in a bowl. Do you want a sandwich? I'll just give you a slice of bread.


Paws & Claws: Pet Vet: Everyone back up, make way for the king. I just... wow. What the hell happened to her arm? Why are her clothes 'shopped on? Did THQ just flog a nude model off Google image search for this? How is that rabbit so big? How is that horse so small? How is... HER ARM. This is absolutely incredible, it should have been in the 'best of' section.

Ten Pin Alley 2: Hey kids, our smash-hit video game sensation Ten Pin Alley is back with all your favourite characters, like fat guy, and girl with one leg. There's only a single pin, and it's huge! Can you hit it? It'll be a wacky and zany challenge! Simulation of the year! We don't roll these balls down the alley, they're rocket balls! You kids love rockets, right? Watch out fat guy that's been poorly pasted in, you might get hit! WITH FUN!


C.O.R.E.: Generic space marine and what I think is supposed to be something about to crash into the ground, or his head. Deary me, it's an ugly 3D render right out of the mid-90's. But at least it's a step above Phoenix Games' work. Click here for the American version.

System Flaw: System flaw indeed. What an embarrassing way to kick off the whole DSi-exclusive thing.


Retro Game Challenge: So, so boring. Retro Game Challenge is a parody of the NES-era, a collection of new 8-bit titles wrapped around a warm, nostalgic setting and an amusing storyline. It's a great game, but ended up selling very poorly. XSEED announced they won't be localising the sequel because of it, and honestly, this cover didn't help one damn bit.

Paws & Claws: Pet Vet – Australian Adventures: Oh Pet Vet, now you've got an Australian twist! I love how she's 'holding' that koala, and they couldn't afford to put a real hat on her head, so it's just 'shopped in like everything else. Also, it seems like someone tried to erase the lower half of her body, but went to get lunch and didn't return to finish the job. Never stop releasing these, THQ, if only for the box art.


By Lance McGill (Infernal Monkey)